Monday, February 2, 2009

looking back over the year

Wow - I began this blog a little over a year ago. I started it at a time when I needed a distraction and I needed some simple joy in my life. This has been a difficult year to say the least!! I have had many seasons of trial in my past, but this season takes the prize. There have been many days that I thought for sure I had reached my limit and still God would ask me to take more. But God is so good to me. He takes such good care of my heart.

I have learned that I really am as strong as I thought I was and that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I learned that I am okay with having to watch my children suffer. I am truly okay with letting go of all this world has to offer.

I have learned that I had a lot of false belief regarding how the world works and how the institution of the church works. I have been disappointed and learned that there is no rescue other than from our God. The church is much larger than those four walls I attend each week and there is much (sometimes more) encouragement to be found outside of those walls than within them. Thank you God for blessing me through Your church!

I have learned that there are times to share your heart and times to protect it in a healthy way. That we people really do say the stupidest things sometimes. I have learned to accept those hurtful things and not allow them to damage my relationships but to press on assuming the best. Most of those hurtful comments really are not the issue, it is more my interpretation that is the issue.

I have learned to not judge. Being judged hurts. I will never look at people the same - when I see that girl with the new jeans who I know cannot afford them - I will never assume. She may have gotten them for free or bought them with a gift card she got for Christmas. How quick we are to judge one another when we do not have the whole story.

This year has pushed all the limits in my relationship with my husband. The stress and pressure can put a damper on the romance and love that you KNOW you have for one another. But when you are struggling with things like failure, hopelessness and sometimes desperation it can build a rather big wall between you. We spent this past weekend tearing down that wall - thank you Lord for the freedom that brings to us!

But God is bigger than all the stress, failure, fear, worry, doubt, disappointment and disillusionment that this world can bring. Thank you God for the gifts YOU gave - the painful, stretching - the offering of more of Yourself and less of the world! Thank You God for Your faithfulness to me - little old childish, selfish, scared and sometimes coming undone me. Me - Your warrior princess, Your trusting, beautiful, glorious creation, Your wanted trusted friend who is choosing to live in true contentment!


Payton & Ellie said...

Amen. I love your honesty and wisdom. And I love your blog. Praise God for trials that refine us, huh?? :-)

michelle allen said...


This is a beautiful post. You've touched my heart this morning. I can only try to imagine the position you've been in and how difficult it would be, knowing someday it just as well could be us. Who knows what God has planned. He's always suprising us!

How God is using you in the midst of it. I've been praying and will continue praying for you and your family.

Your Friend,

Julie said...

thanks for this meleea. we love you and will continue to pray. you ARE his 'warrior princess'. Love you. thanks for your example

LAW said...

Came across your blog and I understand the trials. Your honesty of your trials will reach to another that needs help. God Bless You.

Eryn said...

Great post...I love your honesty and authenticity about what God is doing in you.

Praying for God's provision for all needs.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are the wife Curtis chose. You are a warrior princess with a tender heart that toches mine. I love you Meleea. MIL